Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people
describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice
when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox,
he found a bill from the lawyer.
中文大意
一个医生和一个律师在一次宴会上交谈。
他们的谈话总是被人打断，
那些人向医生描述自己的小病小痛，并期望得到免费的医疗意见。
如此这般的过了一个小时，
这个医生有点受不了了，于是他问律师：
"在工作时间外，你是怎么阻止别人向你咨询法律问题的?"
"我会给他们建议，"律师回答道，"然后我会把账单寄给他们。"
医生感觉不可思议，但还是决定试一试。
第二天，带着一点点内疚，他准备好了那些账单。
当他把账单放到信箱里的时候，发现了一张来自律师的账单。
（二）Jack fell off his bicycle and got hurt.
A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms.
Jack finished them and gave them back.
"Anything else?" The nurse asked.
"Yes,"Jack thinks for a while
and said,"I'm a bachelor."
（三）A man and woman are in a computer programming lecture. The man touches the woman's breasts. "Hey!" she says. "Those are private!" The man says, "But we're in the same class!"
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad."Now，children，"said she，"has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?"
"Please，teacher:said a small boy，:I’ve made someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that”
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please，teacher，I went to see her yesterday，and stayed with her three hours.Then I said to her，‘Granny, I’m going home’，and she said，‘Well，I'm glad!’”
One day a boy came to his teacher and said:"Teacher，my dad wants to know if you like roast pig.”
"I certainly do，”said the teacher, "And you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.”
Days passed，and nothing more was said about the roast pig.
Finally the teacher said to the boy，“I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.”
"Yes，"said the boy，“He did intend to，but the pig got well.”
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
儿子回来后,父亲问他:"你把信丢进邮筒了吗?"
"Certainly"
"当然"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"我当然看见信封上什么也没写"
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"那你为什么不拿回来呢？"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
"我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!"
2.Endearing terms
可爱的称呼
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”
Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild. Since the young chief never learned the ways of his ancestors, he tells them to collect firewood, then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service.
Mom: "Which banana do you want, Victor?"
Victor: "I want that one of the greatest."
Mom: "Victor, you should be polite, to have that little one."
Victor: "Mom, I must lie to be polite?"
妈妈：“你要哪一只香蕉，维克多?”
维克多：“我要那只最大的。”
妈妈：“维克多，你应该懂礼貌，要那只小的。”
维克多：“妈妈，难道懂礼貌就必须说谎吗?”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
Who is Stupid
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
二.A is better than God. A is worse than the evil. If you eat A, you will die.
三.一哥们出国住酒店的时候发现有老鼠，但是英文太烂不知道老鼠的英语怎么说，无奈之下打电话给前台说:"Do you know Tom and Jerry ?"
"Yes sir."
"Jerry is here！！
四.A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."
五.The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"
His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"
Jerk or Jerky?
在第一次来新西兰的航班上，老公和我在吃牛肉干。一位空少很好奇地问我们“what's this?” 我们回答到“Beef jerk”，空少：“jerky?”，我们也恍然大悟错把jerk当成了jerky。Jerky就是指“肉干”，而jerk指的是“混蛋”(a stupid person or a person who is not well-liked or who treats other people badly)。
Ripe or Rape?
英语中真的很多这样的词，你会混淆他们的意思，有时候也会混淆他们的读音。
刚来的第一年和一家本地人住在一起。有天我问Susan(女主人)牛油果熟了没：“Is the avacodo ripe?” 然而我把ripe (/ˈraıp/)错读成了rape (/ˈreıp/)（强……奸）。
Not safe for work
有天和同事一起吐槽正在做的一个项目，他说：“this's project is bollocks”，我从来没听过bollocks，所以马上就用谷歌搜索一起。搜出来的结果如下图所示，当时觉得没啥用，用一个我不懂的词解释另一个我不懂的词，于是继续谷歌第一个（当时也没注意第二个意思）。然后出来的画面真的辣眼睛，因为testicles是指睾丸。同事和我笑的前仰后翻的。这个段子真的是让我们笑了一整年，以后遇到不懂的词准备谷歌时，同事都会提前说明这个词是否适合在工作场合查(not safe for work)。
句子中的bollocks其实是“胡闹的，胡扯的”(nonsense)。You're talking a load of bollocks! 你净在胡扯。
Hook? Hooker？
某天去会议室准备开会，看见另一位同事调了时钟正在找钩子把它挂上去。我边走进会议室边寒暄到“are you looking for the hooker?”，刚说完我就意识到I've made a huge mistake again！Hook才是我要用的那个词。幸好当时只有我和同事两人，我们一起大笑起来。Hook是挂钩的意思，它还可以表示吸引某人注意的的手段(something that is used to attract customers' attention, and encourage them to buy a product or service)。
Sweet ass? Sweet as?
日常生活中，本地人喜欢用俚语，sweet as 就是其中的一个，我第一次听到的时候我以为大家在说sweet-ass，还非常好奇的问“Does sweet-ass mean the opposite of bad-ass?”
as 和 ass读音上其实是不同的，as是/æz/，而ass结尾是/s/。
Sweet as 就指“非常好”(great/excellent)。
Badass 可以表示两个截然不同的意思：
1) 厉害的，一流的(very skilled or impressive)。She is a badass guitar player. 她是个厉害的吉他手。
2) 危险人物/坏蛋 (someone who is likely to cause trouble : tough and dangerous)。
7 个回复
MI_愿予必成
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（一）A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people
describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice
when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox,
he found a bill from the lawyer.
中文大意
一个医生和一个律师在一次宴会上交谈。
他们的谈话总是被人打断，
那些人向医生描述自己的小病小痛，并期望得到免费的医疗意见。
如此这般的过了一个小时，
这个医生有点受不了了，于是他问律师：
"在工作时间外，你是怎么阻止别人向你咨询法律问题的?"
"我会给他们建议，"律师回答道，"然后我会把账单寄给他们。"
医生感觉不可思议，但还是决定试一试。
第二天，带着一点点内疚，他准备好了那些账单。
当他把账单放到信箱里的时候，发现了一张来自律师的账单。
（二）Jack fell off his bicycle and got hurt.
A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms.
Jack finished them and gave them back.
"Anything else?" The nurse asked.
"Yes,"Jack thinks for a while
and said,"I'm a bachelor."
（三）A man and woman are in a computer programming lecture. The man touches the woman's breasts. "Hey!" she says. "Those are private!" The man says, "But we're in the same class!"
YourSail
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I'm Glad
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad."Now，children，"said she，"has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?"
"Please，teacher:said a small boy，:I’ve made someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that”
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please，teacher，I went to see her yesterday，and stayed with her three hours.Then I said to her，‘Granny, I’m going home’，and she said，‘Well，I'm glad!’”
我很高兴
学校的老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说:“她们当中有谁让别人高兴过?”
“我，老师，”一个小男孩说:“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好。是谁呢?”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”
“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿待了三个小时。然后我跟她说:‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说:‘啊，我很高兴!’”
Good intentions
One day a boy came to his teacher and said:"Teacher，my dad wants to know if you like roast pig.”
"I certainly do，”said the teacher, "And you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.”
Days passed，and nothing more was said about the roast pig.
Finally the teacher said to the boy，“I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.”
"Yes，"said the boy，“He did intend to，but the pig got well.”
良好的心愿
一天有个男孩去对他老师说:“老师，我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。”
“当然了，”老师说，“去告诉你父亲，多谢他想着我。”
好几天过去了，男孩再没提起烤猪肉的事儿。
最后老师对男孩说:“我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。”
“是啊，”孩子说，“他是这么想的，可后来猪病好了。”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
DIU我要练肌肉
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One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
儿子回来后,父亲问他:"你把信丢进邮筒了吗?"
"Certainly"
"当然"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"我当然看见信封上什么也没写"
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"那你为什么不拿回来呢？"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
"我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!"
2.Endearing terms
可爱的称呼
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”
zzLzsj
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年轻的印地安酋长遇到了麻烦，因为他没有学会祖先那套预测天气的本领，他该怎么办呢？这是一个无能酋长遇到无能气象局的故事……
Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild. Since the young chief never learned the ways of his ancestors, he tells them to collect firewood, then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service.
印地安人问他们的新酋长，这个冬天是冷还是温暖。这位年轻的酋长从没学过祖先那些本领，他只好吩咐他们去捡木柴，然后自己走到一边去给国家气象局打电话。
"Will the winter be bad?" he asks.
“今年冬天会不会很冷？”他问.
"Looks like it," is the answer.
“看上去是这样的。”他得到这样的回答。
So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood. A week later, he calls again.
于是酋长要求大家收集更多的木柴。一个星期后，他又打电话给国家气象局。
"Are you positive the winter will be very cold?"
“你确信今年冬天会很冷？”
"Absolutely."
“毫无疑问。”
The chief tells his people to gather even more firewood, then calls the Weather Service again: "Are you sure?"
酋长随即要求族人捡更多的木柴，然后再次给国家气象局打电话：“你肯定吗？”
"I'm telling you, it's going to be the coldest winter on record."
“我告诉你，那将是有史以来最寒冷的冬天。”
"How do you know?"
“你怎么知道？”
"Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
“因为印第安人正发疯似地捡木柴！”
Ranpeki
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Mom: "Which banana do you want, Victor?"
Victor: "I want that one of the greatest."
Mom: "Victor, you should be polite, to have that little one."
Victor: "Mom, I must lie to be polite?"
妈妈：“你要哪一只香蕉，维克多?”
维克多：“我要那只最大的。”
妈妈：“维克多，你应该懂礼貌，要那只小的。”
维克多：“妈妈，难道懂礼貌就必须说谎吗?”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
Who is Stupid
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
Mom: "Victor, you shoul..." onclick="question_comment_share(this)"> 分享
南明有鳽
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一个澳大利亚人去纽约，结果过马路的时候没有注意看，差点撞上一个开黄色出租车的美国司机。
美国司机愤怒地将头探出窗口，
“Are you coming here to die?”
澳大利亚人听到乡音，十分喜出望外，高兴地说，
是的，你们都知道。
“No, I came here yesterday!“
注：澳大利亚口音中today很像（to die)
二.A is better than God. A is worse than the evil. If you eat A, you will die.
三.一哥们出国住酒店的时候发现有老鼠，但是英文太烂不知道老鼠的英语怎么说，无奈之下打电话给前台说:"Do you know Tom and Jerry ?"
"Yes sir."
"Jerry is here！！
四.A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."
一个律师死了，到了天堂，问上帝：“你肯定弄错了，我才55岁，你怎么就把我收了？” 上帝说：“55岁？可是根据你在工作时间的记录，你已经82岁了。”（美国律师按小时收费，可收费小时数就是billable hours，这些可收费小时数记录在工作时间表time sheet上面。这个笑话说的意思是，律师虚报自己的工作时间，过度向客户收费，才55岁的律师，工作的时间加起来已经到82岁了。）
五.The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"
His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"
律师的儿子打算沿着父亲的人生道路成为一个律师，于是读了法学院，毕业之后，到了父亲的律所工作。
在上班第一天结束的时候，儿子冲到父亲办公室说：“爸爸，我在一天之内就把你一直没解决的史密斯的案件完成了！”
父亲说：“愚蠢之极！我们十年来都靠那一个案子创收！”
保持距离的围观ing
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Jerk or Jerky?
在第一次来新西兰的航班上，老公和我在吃牛肉干。一位空少很好奇地问我们“what's this?” 我们回答到“Beef jerk”，空少：“jerky?”，我们也恍然大悟错把jerk当成了jerky。Jerky就是指“肉干”，而jerk指的是“混蛋”(a stupid person or a person who is not well-liked or who treats other people badly)。
Ripe or Rape?
英语中真的很多这样的词，你会混淆他们的意思，有时候也会混淆他们的读音。
刚来的第一年和一家本地人住在一起。有天我问Susan(女主人)牛油果熟了没：“Is the avacodo ripe?” 然而我把ripe (/ˈraıp/)错读成了rape (/ˈreıp/)（强……奸）。
Not safe for work
有天和同事一起吐槽正在做的一个项目，他说：“this's project is bollocks”，我从来没听过bollocks，所以马上就用谷歌搜索一起。搜出来的结果如下图所示，当时觉得没啥用，用一个我不懂的词解释另一个我不懂的词，于是继续谷歌第一个（当时也没注意第二个意思）。然后出来的画面真的辣眼睛，因为testicles是指睾丸。同事和我笑的前仰后翻的。这个段子真的是让我们笑了一整年，以后遇到不懂的词准备谷歌时，同事都会提前说明这个词是否适合在工作场合查(not safe for work)。
句子中的bollocks其实是“胡闹的，胡扯的”(nonsense)。You're talking a load of bollocks! 你净在胡扯。
Hook? Hooker？
某天去会议室准备开会，看见另一位同事调了时钟正在找钩子把它挂上去。我边走进会议室边寒暄到“are you looking for the hooker?”，刚说完我就意识到I've made a huge mistake again！Hook才是我要用的那个词。幸好当时只有我和同事两人，我们一起大笑起来。Hook是挂钩的意思，它还可以表示吸引某人注意的的手段(something that is used to attract customers' attention, and encourage them to buy a product or service)。
Sweet ass? Sweet as?
日常生活中，本地人喜欢用俚语，sweet as 就是其中的一个，我第一次听到的时候我以为大家在说sweet-ass，还非常好奇的问“Does sweet-ass mean the opposite of bad-ass?”
as 和 ass读音上其实是不同的，as是/æz/，而ass结尾是/s/。
Sweet as 就指“非常好”(great/excellent)。
Badass 可以表示两个截然不同的意思：
1) 厉害的，一流的(very skilled or impressive)。She is a badass guitar player. 她是个厉害的吉他手。
2) 危险人物/坏蛋 (someone who is likely to cause trouble : tough and dangerous)。